The feedback here and on the forums to my last post has been nothing short of amazing. I want to thank everyone for posting and I am humbled by the response as there were many times of the last few months where I questioned my contribution to the community and in my job itself. Of course that was during a "low" but still the memory remained. Now I can see that I still achieved some good things, but even better for everyone is that we can all continue to get involved in some of the things I had a hand in like (Dark)LAN's, arcade and MP nights. I'd love to have a Civ 2 night before Civilization Revolution arrives in June so anyone who has the game and is keen for a game let me know. I'll try and organise an Undertow night in the next few weeks too.

I got asked to describe what Bipolar is to me and it is quite a deep question to answer, but I'm certainly up for the challenge. Bipolar to me is living a dichotomy of lives due to the opposite and extreme moods that swing between each other. One where I am withdrawn, and sullen. One where my mind is full of dark thoughts racing around and concentration one real tasks is non-existent. One where my energy levels are extremely low and it is hard to even get out of bed, like a constant fog of drowsiness and lethargy. The other extreme is almost fun as my energy levels are sky high so I can barely sleep and feel invincible. The centre of the universe is me during those times and whether at work or in a nightclub, everything is happening around my own universe. I feel like I can complete 100 tasks at once but unfortunately due to the extreme high my thoughts are scattered. The thrill of the moment leads to excessive spending, especially in bars. One time for example I bought eight bottles of Veuve champagne at nightclub prices as there were a few new ladies in our group and thought it was a great idea to have my Amex card over the bar. You don't want to know how much was spent that night!! Such reckless fiscal adventures lead to the downward spiral into a depressive mood as you don't have the high to keep the realities of life away.

That cycle between high and low can be days or weeks but it is extremely rare to feel "normal", at least in my experience anyway. The worst part is when a manic or high episode clashes with a depressive episode as I feel wired, even coiled like a high loaded spring, but feel dejected and low as well. These have only happened on rare ocassions but near misses to terrible consequences.

The positive news is that over the last week or so, beginning in the specialist clinic I was in I have felt normal and steady. My concentration has been the best in years and I have been able to focus on tasks and get things done in swift order. Hopefully this will continue with medication, healthy eating and loads of exercise which I have also jumped into. Rowing, weights and walking the dog have been a load of fun I must admit!

Which bring me to gaming. One thing that always made me feel just a little bit better during the downs was Xbox Live. More specifically the messages I got in my inbox as even though I didn't respond that often I still felt part of a community, part of a group with a common interest that was sharing this interest in a non-threatening way. Getting invited to games of say a Halo or Call of Duty 4 was always a little positive in the clouds of unhappiness at the time, so from personaly experience I think online gaming if done in moderation and the surrounding community can be a positive influence and contributor in life.

Things aren't so great on the FIFA front however. Stu has my measure on every statistic except the one that counts - the win-loss column  I will need to lift my game and fast if I am to stay in front however as he has the momentum currently. Check out the FIFA page for the updated stats. We've added an additional caveat to the battle as the winner now gets the team fan song blasted through the MAN ROOM. Stu of course enjoyed "You'll Never Walk Alone" immensely this evening but I cannot wait to have the worst version of "Glory Glory Man United" being played over the weekend... IF I can find some form.

Well its bedtime for me. Tomorrow I hope to have a Live chat with my good mate and JRPG uber-god tranceVib posted as we discuss RPG's past and present as well as anything else we decide to.